10 Downing Street: The most heavily protected building in Britain!
Apart from the "decorative" policeman, the front door cannot be opened at all from the outside because it has no handle, and no one can enter the building without passing through an airport-style scanner and a set of security gates manned by armed guards.
Despite this, I heard that in the since David Cameron became Prime Minister, 37 computers, 4 mobile phones, two cameras, a mini-disc player, a video recorder, four printers, two projectors, an MI5 file, and a bicycle were stolen from inside the house!
Police Take Up a Collection
William Hague on his way home from Parliament after a Parliamentary Enquiry into Trading Practices by Britain's leading Bank Executives is stuck in traffic.
Several of the former Bank Executives and CEO's have agreed to return their extravagant Pensions.
Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: "What's the hold up Officer?"
The policeman replies: "The Chief Executive of the U.K.'s largest Bank has become so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire because of the shame of what he has done. Myself and all the other motorcade police officers are taking up a collection because we feel sorry for him."
The William Hague asks:
"How much have you got so far?"
The Officer replies:
"About 40 gallons, but a lot of officers are still siphoning!"
An American, Japanese and Englishman were
discussing their respective countries over
a drink at a London pub one evening...
10 Downing Street: The most heavily protected building in Britain!
Apart from the "decorative" policeman, the front door cannot be opened at all from the outside because it has no handle, and no one can enter the building without passing through an airport-style scanner and a set of security gates manned by armed guards.
Despite this, I heard that in the since David Cameron became Prime Minister, 37 computers, 4 mobile phones, two cameras, a mini-disc player, a video recorder, four printers, two projectors, an MI5 file, and a bicycle were stolen from inside the house!
Police Take Up a Collection
Several of the former Bank Executives and CEO's have agreed to return their extravagant Pensions.
Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: "What's the hold up Officer?"
The policeman replies: "The Chief Executive of the U.K.'s largest Bank has become so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire because of the shame of what he has done. Myself and all the other motorcade police officers are taking up a collection because we feel sorry for him."
The William Hague asks:
"How much have you got so far?"
The Officer replies:
"About 40 gallons, but a lot of officers are still siphoning!"
An American, an Englishman and a Japanese fellow were discussing their respective countries over drink at a London pub one evening.
The American fellow mentioned how that American medicine had progressed so far that doctors recently had taken a single liver and cut it into six pieces then transplanted it into six separate men in need of a healthy liver.
This had resulted in six new workers in the job market.
At this, the Japanese guy said that in his country doctors had cut a lung into twelve pieces, transplanted these into twelve people in need of healthy lungs.
Thereby putting twelve new people in the job market.
Not to be outdone, the Englishman said, "That's nothing. In the UK, we took one asshole, made it Prime Minister, and now there are 4 million people in the market for a job!"
What the Politicians cannot do without (apart from their great wealth and privilege) is the following:
 |
| Some of the Politician's that need the '...icians! |
The '...icians' that help Politicians
The Acoustician: Who makes sure that comments not meant for the voters ears are not picked up on the House of Commons microphones.
The Arithmetician: Who makes sure that expense claim forms are so complicated that it gives a way put for the MPs to plead ignorance when caught fiddling.
The Cliometrician: Who guides the MPs in ways to present financial figures so that no one understands them.
The Diagnostician: A person who diagnoses, medical and mental conditions. This enables MPs to tell blatant lies and not feel ill or guilty afterwards.
The Dietician: Who advises on the availability of caviare, champagne, and how to get them free on expenses.
The Electrician: Used to fit security devices, CCTV, plasma TVs, Solar heating etc. in MPs houses.
The Logician: Always available, but rarely used nowadays.
The Magician, Nick Clegg: who has proved he can magic away his party in an instant! Always available for MPs to laugh at when the House is sitting.
The Mathematician: In attendance to show MPs how to add up their expenses, reaching a 400% higher total than should be.
The Optician: Used to see things others missed.
The Paediatrician: Available 24/7 to tend to MPs when their party lose a vote, changing their nappies, and dipping their dummies, in Marmite or Honey.
The Patrician: Advises MPs on Off-shore investments etc.
The Phonetician: Advises MPs on which voice to lie with.
The Semeiotician: Advises MPs on which voice to lie with to foreign Nations.
The Rhetorician: Not used since 1895.
The Statistician: Offers advice on presenting financially misleading statements and daffynition.
The Technician: Explains why it is best for MPs to avoid rescission.
The Theoretician: Lie creator to the Government, also advises against sedition.
The Mortician: The only '...ician' in Parliament that gets Christmas cards, and thanks from the voters!
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