Retirement at 68 brought forward by Osborne

(A creep... er... man who has never held a proper job!)

George Osborne will use autumn statement to signal new formula linked to life expectancy that could save the government £500bn over 50 years

More people will have to work until they are 68 before being entitled to a state pension under plans to be announced by Chancellor George Osborne.

The current state pension age was set to change from 65 to 68 in 2046.

But that date will be brought forward to the mid-2030s, Mr Osborne

The pension age could rise again to 69 in the late 2040s, he will add, meaning people now in their 20s may have to work until they are 70.

Cameron and Osborne said that people should spend on average no more than one-third of their adult lives in retirement.

Most of us will have to work until we drop - the idea of a long and happy retirement is a myth for all but a minority of people.

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And where are the jobs going to come from if millions of 'At one time pensioners' are working, what chance the youngsters of obtaining gainful employment? It's bad enough now!

My hatred of the upper class, spoon-in-the-mouths members of this government is growing more and more.

How did they get in power? Who is to blame?

Gordon Brown? The Voters? The Lib-Dems? or all of em?

My thoughts on Politicians

There’s not many that haven’t had an Illicit love affair,

They are experts and tutored in spouting lies and hot air,

They dance around giving answers like Fred Astaire,

Most Ministers have never worked, or known financial despair,

They fiddle expenses, get a pay rise of 9.6%, and it’s so unfair,

They say the IPSA sets their salary now, they declare,

But they set the wage of IPSA of £40,400 per manager...yea?

And grant the IPSA expenses; of this the part-time IPSA are aware,

The rot set in with the crooked nihilistic, nepotistic Tony Blair.

Most are millionaires too, jealous... me? Now where’s me bus pass?

Cameron, and his cronies will never worry about the cost of gas,

Despite his cabinet consisting of a cruel men, an inertial mass,

PMs a group from superior stock, all unethical, bold as brass,

They are not caring, they are cruel, pitiless and crass.

They ought to hypnotised into being honest en masse,

They’ve taken away my few benefits, ‘cause I bought a pension,

Paid into it for fifty odd years, worse off now, makes you laugh,

It’s the weak they prey on, ignore, laugh at and harass!

Not for workers of pensioners, warmth, good food or an au pair,

I can’t afford a holiday or even the petrol or train fare,

No BUPA for me, just the ailing NHS hospital care,

The NHS staff are harangued and frustrated, but they really care,

They strut and pose, well fed, clothed, looking debonair,

While pensioners are struggling, broke, in utter despair,

They know their earnings from backhanders and offshore shares,

They sit in central heated offices, in their reclining chairs,

Of the poverty, frustration and pain, they seem totally unaware!

Bless them. (Spit!)

No doubt they are working out how to prevent deaths of pensioners due to the cold, lack of food, or being mugged?

Police Statistics, views, etc

Statistics that might be of interest

(But Not to Kenneth Clarke or Teresa May of course)

MP's Suitable Anagrams...

Anagrams for fun

I present to you, anagrams of some of the crooks... I mean MP's of this wonderfully riot torn, nepotistic, and crumbling Nation.

You will find some members of the Conservative Party (Anag: Vast carnivore type), New Labour Party (Anag: An we bar poultry), and the Liberal-Democrat Party (Anag: Cry bedlam Proletariat)

David Cameron: Prime Minister (Tory-Coalition)
'Odd, I crave man'

Nicolas Clegg: Deputy Prime Minister (Lib-Dem-Coalition]
'Schlong ice lag'

William Hague: Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs (Tory-Coalition)
'Wail, I hug male'

George Osborne: Chancellor of the Exchequer (Tory-Coalition)
'Goes Bone Roger'

Kenneth Clarke: Secretary of State for Justice (Tory-Coalition)
'Ken crank Ethel'

Ian Duncan Smith: Secretary of State for Work and Pensions
'Anus chin damn it'

Francis Maude: Minister for the Cabinet Office (Tory-Coalition)
'Freud's maniac'

Theresa May: Minister for Women and Equalities (Tory-Coalition)
'Trash 'em yea'

Iain Duncan Smith Secretary of State for Work and Pensions (Tory-Coalition)
'Man dun Chianti's'

Dr Vincent Cable: Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills (Lib-Dem-Coalition)]
'Craven bend clit'

Chris Huhne: Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change (Lib-Dem-Coalition)
'Is her hunch'

Eric Pickles: Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government (Tory-Coalition)
'Spice licker'

Philip Hammond: Secretary of State for Transport (Tory-Coalition)
'Ah, no mild Pimp!'

Ed Miliband: Leader of the Labour Party
'Did nib Male'

Dianne Abbott: Shadow Minister for Public Health
'Bet on a Bandit'

Ed Balls: Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer
'Beds all'

Liam Byrne: Shadow Secretary of State for Work and Pensions
'Nil my mare'

Lord Strathclyde: Leader of the House of Lords, Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster (Conservative)
'Dearth droll cyst'

Baroness Royall: Shadow Leader of the House of Lords
'Salary role snob'

Hilary Benn: Shadow Leader of the House of Commons
'Nil ran by he'

The author assures us that this article is meant purely as a source of good humour, and gentle fun-poking. In no way does or should it indicate that the views of the writer towards Members of Parliament are detrimental to the Nation, in particular the sick, poor, young, elderly, uneducated, immigrants, dwindling members of the Police Service and the NHS staff, HM Forces, unemployed, and mentally incapacitated. Any such innuendo found was created without intention or malice on behalf of the idiot ageing, decrepit, but well-intentioned word-smith.

Political Jokes

10 Downing Street: The most heavily protected building in Britain!

Apart from the "decorative" policeman, the front door cannot be opened at all from the outside because it has no handle, and no one can enter the building without passing through an airport-style scanner and a set of security gates manned by armed guards.

Despite this, I heard that in the since David Cameron became Prime Minister, 37 computers, 4 mobile phones, two cameras, a mini-disc player, a video recorder, four printers, two projectors, an MI5 file, and a bicycle were stolen from inside the house!

Police Take Up a Collection

William Hague on his way home from Parliament after a Parliamentary Enquiry into Trading Practices by Britain's leading Bank Executives is stuck in traffic.
Several of the former Bank Executives and CEO's have agreed to return their extravagant Pensions.
Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: "What's the hold up Officer?"
The policeman replies: "The Chief Executive of the U.K.'s largest Bank has become so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire because of the shame of what he has done. Myself and all the other motorcade police officers are taking up a collection because we feel sorry for him."
The William Hague asks:
"How much have you got so far?"
The Officer replies:
"About 40 gallons, but a lot of officers are still siphoning!"

An American, Japanese and Englishman  were

discussing their respective countries over

a  drink at a London pub one evening...

An American, an Englishman and a Japanese fellow were discussing their respective countries over drink at a London pub one evening.
The American fellow mentioned how that American medicine had progressed so far that doctors recently had taken a single liver and cut it into six pieces then transplanted it into six separate men in need of a healthy liver.
This had resulted in six new workers in the job market.
At this, the Japanese guy said that in his country doctors had cut a lung into twelve pieces, transplanted these into twelve people in need of healthy lungs.
Thereby putting twelve new people in the job market.
Not to be outdone, the Englishman said, "That's nothing. In the UK, we took one asshole, made it Prime Minister, and now there are 4 million people in the market for a job!"

What the Politicians cannot do without (apart from their great wealth and privilege) is the following:

Some of the Politician's that need the  '...icians!

The '...icians' that help Politicians

The Acoustician: Who makes sure that comments not meant for the voters ears are not picked up on the House of Commons microphones.

The Arithmetician: Who makes sure that expense claim forms are so complicated that it gives a way put for the MPs to plead ignorance when caught fiddling.

The Cliometrician: Who guides the MPs in ways to present financial figures so that no one understands them.

The Diagnostician: A person who diagnoses, medical and mental conditions. This enables MPs to tell blatant lies and not feel ill or guilty afterwards.

The Dietician: Who advises on the availability of caviare, champagne, and how to get them free on expenses.

The Electrician: Used to fit security devices, CCTV, plasma TVs, Solar heating etc. in MPs houses.

The Logician: Always available, but rarely used nowadays.

The Magician, Nick Clegg: who has proved he can magic away his party in an instant! Always available for MPs to laugh at when the House is sitting.

The Mathematician: In attendance to show MPs how to add up their expenses, reaching a 400% higher total than should be.

The Optician: Used to see things others missed.

The Paediatrician: Available 24/7 to tend to MPs when their party lose a vote, changing their nappies, and dipping their dummies, in Marmite or Honey.

The Patrician: Advises MPs on Off-shore investments etc.

The Phonetician: Advises MPs on which voice to lie with.

The Semeiotician: Advises MPs on which voice to lie with to foreign Nations.

The Rhetorician: Not used since 1895.

The Statistician: Offers advice on presenting financially misleading statements and daffynition.

The Technician: Explains why it is best for MPs to avoid rescission.

The Theoretician: Lie creator to the Government, also advises against sedition.

The Mortician: The only '...ician' in Parliament that gets Christmas cards, and thanks from the voters!

W.H.O. (World Health Organisation) Disclose Details of newly discovered diseases

The World Health Organisation spokesman, Dr D.Seez, has revealed the new diseases identified in 2013 to date. Along with the symptoms, and those most at risk of contracting them.

Named Disease: HAJ (Had-a-job) Syndrome
Symptoms: Being made redundant through no fault of your own, suicidal feelings, lack of food, and the disappearance of respect.
Most at Risk: The proletariat, anyone not related to, a banker for, or a friend of a Politician, and the millions of unemployed.
Area's most affected: UK, USA, Australia, and Turkey.

Named Disease:'Spooninthegobatbirthness'
Symptoms: A snottiness and uncaring attitude develops that cannot be countered. The bank balance and overseas investment accounts increase exponentially.
Most at Risk: Aristocracy, Royalty, Politicians, Footballers, and the Right Honourable William Hague MP (Conservative) First Secretary of State, Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs.
Area's most affected: All countries not in the East or Middle East.

Named Disease: A.A.D.(Alcoholic Adiction Dysrhythmia)
Symptoms: Finding you have not got any alcoholic addictions, and the concern and worry you get about being so different to everyone else.
Most at Risk: Those under the age of eight.
Area's most affected: World wide.

Named Disease: Monetary Cystitis
Symptoms: It is extremely painful, nigh on impossible for you to pass on money owed by you.
Most at Risk: Politicians, Dentists, Lawyers, Bankers, Haliburton, and Taxi Drivers.
Area's most affected: USA and the UK.

Named Disease: Hope Alopecia
Symptoms: A sudden realisation that all hope is lost, other than for the War Mongers, Politicians, bankers, and Haliburton.
Most at Risk: Everyone not connected with the above.
Area's most affected: USA, UK, and South Upper Mongolia.

Named Disease: Compassion Deficiency Anemia
Symptoms: You couldn't give a toss about anyone else.
Most at Risk: Most predominant in Senates, Parliament, and Lawyers offices, although likley to be found anywhere.
Area's most affected: Virtually throughout the world.

Named Disease: Cacospysy (Irregular pulse)
Symptoms: Panic attacks at Government Budget announcement time.
Most at Risk: The poor.
Area's most affected: Everywhere.

Named Disease: Early Decrepitude disease
Symptoms: Sudden realisation that the poor are getting poorer, and the Rich are getting richer.
Most at Risk: Those who are poor and getting poorer.
Area's most affected: USA, UK, Sweden, and Italy.

Named Disease: Obsessive-compulsive Politician hating disorder disease
Symptoms: Spitting, swearing, frustration and extreme poverty
Most at Risk: Anyone not related or business partners to politicians, blackmailers, NHS workers, those made redundant, NHS patients, French citizens and Europhiles . 
Area's most affected: UK, Europe.

In the event that you should feel or find any of the above symptoms coming on, do not consult your Doctor who will be too rich to be bothered to understand your frustrations and problems.
You should consider suicide, alcoholism, hibernation, or becoming a Politician.

Ode to William Hague

The Right Honourable William Hague MP (Referred to as WH in the ode) First Secretary of State, Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs.The richest MP in Parliament

vs

Inchcock Chambers RIP (Referred to as IC in the ode)Out of work lower grade elderly Spoofer 

Under Medical Care. Basic pension, in debt up to his eyeballs.

WH drinks champagne and the odd gin and tonic, a true alcoholic,
IC drinks Asda tea, the tea-belly, and that tastes chronic,

WH likes money, wealth, men, and things bucolic,
IC likes the internet, well it's company for the prick,

WH worries about his investments, and his next political gimmick,
IC worries about buying his food, and the Government trick,

WH goes on many a holiday, and feels so home sick,
IC stays at home, concerned with things apostolic,

WH fancies Patrick, Frederick, and Dominic,
IC fancies his chances of fame, writing things laconic,

WH eats caviar, nearly extinct, and imported from the Baltic,
IC eats dry bread and the odd out of date price-reduced fish-stick,

WH adorns himself with Harrod's soap and a light shade of lipstick,
IC adorns himself with a refreshing bar of household red carbolic,

WH retires at night, dreaming of Marcus Trescothick,
IC retires at night worried about catching colic,

WH goes to bed with his wife Ffion, or maybe Nigel or Dick, 
IC goes to bed with depression and his tin made candlestick,

WH his language is refined although ridden with hyperbolic,
IC his language is common, though his nature is angelic,

WH has a private doctor, for problems mild or diastolic,
IC Band aids, Vaseline, and tube of Vick.

The author of this pathetic ode, would like to point out that it was Not inspired by any jealousy of the rich scumbag of a crooked spoon-in-the-mouth-fed snotty, rich, arrogant, self-righteous, pompous, nepotistic, greedy MP's nature.